I’m a workaholic – Can I date?

Love and work are probably the most discussed topics between friends and for some - they are seen as the cornerstones of life. But which should you prioritise? If you’re wondering whether having a partner/significant other will add value to your life or create more stress, especially if you are a workaholic - here’s what to consider.

1. Would they support your career or feel threatened by your ambition?

If you're a workaholic, it's important to consider how your partner feels about your career. Do they support your ambition or feel threatened by it?

If your partner is supportive of your career, it can make a big difference. They can help you manage your time and understand when you need to focus on work. Having a partner who is behind your career can be a great motivator.

However, if your partner feels threatened by your ambition, it can create tension. They may feel like they're not good enough or that they'll always be second best. It's important to discuss how they're feeling and see if there's a way to address their concerns. Working long hours can be tough on any relationship. If your partner feels like they're always taking a backseat to your career, it can lead to resentment, emotional disconnect and eventually relationship breakdown. We have an article on the topic of how workaholism affects families that will be a suitable read as an add-on to this one - link here. Hence, it's important to discuss your career goals and how they fit into your relationship.

2. Do they want to be in a power couple, or do they want to be a leech on you?

Let's face it. There is this loud and ugly stereotype that sadly is some people's reality - of one partner working hard and building while the other is taking the back seat and milking it all the way.

Hence, if you're a workaholic, the most important thing to understand when dating is whether your partner wants to be in a power couple, or if they just want to leech off of your success.

If they want to be in a power couple, then they'll likely be motivated and driven themselves, and will understand and respect your need to focus on your career - because they'll be doing the same.

However, if they just want to leech off of you, then it's unlikely that the relationship will work out in the long run. To figure out which category your partner falls into, pay attention to how they react when you talk about your work. Yet, it is important to acknowledge the fact that if you've been a workaholic and have been neglecting your partner for a long time - they may have checked out of the relationship a long time ago - maybe because when they sought connection - you avoided it, when they showed interest - you overlooked it and didn't engage with them. You should check out these two articles on how workaholism affects couples and their sex life before you decide to see your partner as a leech and end the relationship.

3. Would they encourage you to set boundaries for your own good or purely demand your time for their own desires and needs?

I must highlight here - it is absolutely and 100% down to you to work on your workaholism and overcome it. You must be the one that is the driving force and acting agent in this life-change. Your partner should be there to support you, help you with some practical aspects of the work and be there emotionally - but they cannot be your assistant or your therapist and you must not treat them as such.

One red flag to be on the lookout is how they navigate this encouragement and support and if they are using guilt and other negative and unhealthy strategies to make you change. It can be difficult to date as a workaholic, but it's important to find someone who understands and supports your career goals. Look for a partner who encourages you to take care of yourself and sets reasonable expectations for their own needs. With the right person by your side, you can have a healthy and happy relationship while still pursuing success in your career!

4. Also, you need to be aware and honest as to what you want and can give to add value to this person's life.

If you're a workaholic, it's important to be honest with yourself about how much time you can realistically give to your partner. It's not fair to them if you're constantly putting work before them, and it will eventually lead to resentment and conflict.

Make sure you're communicating with your partner about your work schedule and priorities and try to find a balance that works for both of you.

In conclusion, workaholics can date but they need to consider the aforementioned things first and some more of their own.

First and foremost they should be honest with their partner about their work schedule and make sure they are okay with it and have a collaborative spirit in making healthy time for each other, rest, having fun and living life.

Workaholics should make sure they find someone who is understanding and supportive of their career and also - their addiction to work and treat it seriously.

Lastly, they should make sure to set aside time for themselves just like they need to do for their relationship, so it doesn't become all work and no play!

If you are reading this because you are a workaholic and you want to work on your workaholism, then I would love to help you on this growth journey. My course on workaholism and burnout is available to explore here: Grindless.Life/course

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• burnout,

• workaholism,

• perfectionism,

• imposter syndrome,

• how these lead to high turnover at companies,

• costly errors at work, and on the more personal side of things -

• how childhood trauma along with social structures and norms lead us to have poor work-life boundaries,

• what are the family dynamics in workaholics’ homes,

• how our bodies, relationships and intimate lives are affected by our working habits

• and more….